So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
