I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
