Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
