You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
