You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
