I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
