He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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