Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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