Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
