I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
