I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
