I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
