she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
