We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and she was petting her beer can
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Randomize
