That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
