She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
