She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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