there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
