i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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