He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
