yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
