I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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