Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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