He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
