Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
