Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
