you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
