she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
