yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
