First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
