I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
