I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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