Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
