My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
