It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize