So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
