i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
