were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
