he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
