Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
