its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
