you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
