haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
