Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
