just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
