he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
