I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
