I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
