i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
