Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
