So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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