you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
