So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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