I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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