Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So much Jack, so little girl.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
