the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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