she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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