ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
