I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
