He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
