Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
