you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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