Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
