It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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