went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
