im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
