Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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